I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
