You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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