She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
