I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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