I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I believe in your delicious
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
