I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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