We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
