operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
