Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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