when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
