I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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