I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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