when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
