the new term for farting is butt boxing.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize