am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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