U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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