Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
