My hand turned me down
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
