Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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