I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
