This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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