I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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