if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
