I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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