Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
