What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
