AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We are all done wearing pants today
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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