Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
