It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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