WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
