i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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