did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
