I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
