I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize