when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize