He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
