does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
