YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
