life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
