I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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