we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
