I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He has the fingertips of a God
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