I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm too high and old for this...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
