He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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