Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
