im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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