I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
