I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
