i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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