I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize