your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
