Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
