I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
