i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Houston, we have a blender
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize