She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
