I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i think my cat just said my name.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize