Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Randomize
