I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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