when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
