Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
