My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
