i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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