Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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