i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize