Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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