the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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