I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
