Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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