I think I am morally bankrupt
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we're so committed to being not committed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
