we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
