just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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