He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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