I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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