Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
