He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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