Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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