Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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