His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
