you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
