Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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