His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
