The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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