Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
