It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize