Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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