i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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