this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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