Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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