So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
