someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
