end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
