Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
