if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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