he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
