My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
