I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
